it's been a-while since i've blogged. it always seems like i blog here in the same attitude as when i clean the living room... "oh shit, the relatives are coming!"
"oh shit, is that a breast lump?"
yeah, another one. underneath my right breast, at the crease. part of me thinks it's stress (it appeared the day after a horrific country Christmas journey, with allergens and pressure a-plenty). i don't want to take it seriously. i left a message with the oncologist, . that's all i can do.
my holidays were up and down. the first Christmas was a chinese restaurant event, with immediate family and son's girlfriend. it was good food, and "head's up", and giggles, and english crackers.
the second Christmas was in chouteau. i cried nearly all the way there. i cried when a feral cat scratched me for no reason (the poetic side of me said "i didn't even do anything! i'm a victim! even the cat doesn't like me! why do i live?)
at least i got to take pictures at the man-made lake in the back. i miss the water. i miss the calm that comes with it. i miss having that defiant control over my life that i loved.
i miss me.
will let you know about any updates. oncologist visit on the 15. pet scan can't be scheduled until after the 26. that's all i know now.
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