new doctor, old feelings

i have a new oncologist.

i should have expected this when everyone at work was talking about having to switch over to another hospital system.  i just thought that you didn't change oncologists.   who would stop care so specific and careful over insurance?

so, i went in to see the new oncologist.

he seemed ok.  he wore a suit, and was ...um... there.  then he asked for a pet scan.  i hadn't had one in a-while, and it made sense that he wanted to get the full picture.

well, there was a light up over the left groin.  he wants to do another pet scan in march.  ok.

thing is, he isn't very personable.  he tends to spock things, and not in a good way.  matter of fact, and a cold undertone, he is.  (i'm upset and weary when i think of him.  that may be why it's been so hard to write about him.)

so, when he told me that i had an irregularity (a 9 mm light up), i cried.  and tried to control myself.

and he....just looked at me.  and said nothing.

just like enigma.

so, i've been on watch and wait, basically.  (albeit unofficially. they didn't call it "watch and wait" but it's the same idea.)

and.... now there's this lump.

a day ago, my breast was feeling tender.  now, there's this lump near my underarm, but not under it.  i called, and left a message for the nurse.

now, when i called and left a message with the old oncologist, she took until the afternoon to call me back.  well, i don't know if it's because of the holidays, or what, but i got a call very quickly.  an australian nurse asked me what was going on, and tried to get all the details.

she said she would tell the new oncologist about what was going on, and that they would see me on the 14th, for lab work and exam.  that was awesome news to me, because he hadn't labbed me at all since the first time he saw me.

my old oncologist labbed me every time she saw me.  my old oncologist gave me two antibiotics for every infection i had.  my old oncologist hugged me, and really let me know that she was part of my fight, not an observer of it.

i don't want to see the new oncologist, but maybe i can.... at the very least.......i can help him help me.

one hopes.....