unknown fears, inner pain

yesterday, i would have had a chemo.....but i'm done with them  (yay!)

but now, my right shoulder is aching inside, and under my arm.  i know there isn't enough there to hurt so bad.... it's gotta be the worry, and the apprehension from reading about radiation. 

the other day, i had a nameless fear.  it kept me from moving, and i called out for.... assistance?  i don't kow....i don't even know what would have cured it.  

i have to solve these problems myself.  i have to stop being such a pussy about things.  it's almost over, for fuck's sake.....i should be able to grow up, and learn to cure myself.

it's supposed to be easier.....