the road to good news

ok.... playing catch up here......

tuesday, i went in, and talked to the surgeon.  he wanted to take a lymph node from my groin (the one that lit up to 5) instead of taking the big one out from under my arm. (the one that's already been biopsied, with the result being no cancer.)

the land under my arm has had lymph nodes removed before, so he felt leery working there.  also, radiated areas do not heal well.  (something i didn't know, but just the thought of it makes me feel better)

i didn't understand how he thought he could take something from my groin, and find cancer in it (i've only had lymphoma in one concentrated area) but i granted permission.

wednesday, i went in for a pre-op.  they checked my blood, talked to me about anesthetics, and asked what kind of vitamins i was taking.  i was told not to take flax or fish..... and to start taking stool softener.  i started feeling that lovely pampered feeling you feel when everyone's on your side, and you're optimistic about the outcome.

friday morning, enigma took me to the hospital.  it was a simple operation, without snafu.  the iv went in great, and didn't cause trouble.  the nurses were attentive, and observant.  the surgeon explained things amiably.  (i really got to like him... if i have to do this again, he'd be great to come back to)....

and yet.... right as they were about to put me under, i started to tear up.  the old nurse who pushed my gurney to the operating table.... the feeble one who barely helped me move from one side to the other... was the best one there.... she held my hand, and squeezed it....

"we prayed for you...."

i squeezed her hand back, knowing she told the truth.  (the hospital staff meets up to pray every morning.....)  i breathed in, and out, as they had told me.....

and it was done.

recuperating has been easier than i thought.  the scar is diagonal, and far down below my bikini scar.  it's sore, not a searing pain .....  i have to make myself walk slower....pace myself..... calm down....

and, monday morning, after i called to make a post op appointment, the surgeon called.

no cancer.

yes, this is good news.  but, the last time, it was good news, too, and the oncologist wasn't satisfied.  i'm afraid he's going to take this good news away, too....

"yes, but....."
"watch and wait"

something is still wrong.....

well, if something is still wrong, it's not cancer.  i'm very sure of that.  i need to give my body a half a chance to cure itself.  salad.  veggies. fruit. smoothies.

breathing in....and out.

friday is post op.  3 december is oncologist.  then...... i rest my mind from worry.

....and get busy living again....