chemo 4, and sit rep

i don't want to be here, but i have to.

the ct scan results came back.  oncologist was happy.  a 10 cm tumour shrunk down to 3.5.  (that could be cancer, but then again, it could be scar tissue.)  she said she's seen cases where tumours grow with chemo, so she was happy it was going down.  also, there wasn't any other inflamed areas...just the area under my right arm.  so, nothing's spread.  yay!

i asked her what would happen at the end of my chemos.  she said that soon after my last chemo, she'd send me in for a pet scan, to see for sure if there was any more cancer.  if there is, i have to get radiation.  if not, she still wants me to talk to a radiologist, but that the decision would be up to me.  (i think i will...just to make sure.)

she also said that she wouldn't be there for the next chemo.  i'll be talking to a man doctor.  (no worries.... i'm good with whoever she chooses.)  she'll be back from vacation for the last chemo, though.

she tried to make me feel better by talking about her birthday (mine was yesterday, hers was a few days before.)  she could tell i was discouraged, but i made sure to make her feel like it wasn't her.

it's all me.

i am very overweight now.  i don't know what to do about it, besides eat extremely right, and try to walk.  i know i'm going to be laying low for awhile, but i'm hoping it won't be so much this time.... but i won't push it.

oh, and all my counts are good....but my white blood cells are down a bit.  i'm worried about that, but i was told that was par for the course.  it's something i have to live with...for now.

i'm getting the last drug, and the place smells of pesticides.  i don't want to be here, but i have to.  not much longer, right?

i hate this.  i'm losing my eyebrows now, and my allergies are hitting me very hard right now.  i have that full feeling of being pumped with mega drugs.  my hands are dry from washing my hands so much.  i feel huge, and useless, and blah!

two more after this.  damn.