ct scan

i had a ct scan early wednesday.

i went in early.  i paid the co-pay (i'm now at the point where that's all i have to pay... yay, insurance!)

they gave me two things of barium solution to drink:

(sorry for the blurriness... still getting used to the new phone cam.)  i chose mochaccino because i hoped i could fool myself into thinking it was caffeine.... no!  i was told to drink one, then half of one a half hour later.  it was cold, and had a slight aftertaste...but not as bad as it could have been.

i was told to drink the last half before i walked in... so i was a sloshing fool when i got in there.  (thank goodness i was allowed to evacuate a bit before lying down.)

a ct scan was a lot like a pet scan, but it didn't have the special solution that made the cancer light up in me.  the barium they made me drink was to show my intestines better.  as i laid down, they put an i.v. in me,  and told me they were going to put a solution in me that would make me feel warm from the back of my throat, down to my... uh.....my... anyway... the hurse said that it would feel like i needed to go urinate, but that that wouldn't happen.

(in actuality, when the solution went in, it was hot, and i tasted metal.... but she was right.  i stayed dry, thank goodness.)

the ct scan was done in an area that was less claustrophobic.  i was driven into the doughnut sensor thing feet first, which helped.  ( the pet scan had me going in headfirst into a smaller metal tunnel, which isn't good for a woman who always seems to accidentally read "buried alive" stories.  as i do.)

this scan was a lot shorter,too.

the nurse asked me if the results of this scan would allow me to have less chemos.  that would have made me sad in the past, but just recently i read a thread on one of my lymphoma support egroups.  someone asked if there were anyone who had not relapsed, or were in remission.  a lot of them said they did r-chop, and all of them said they did six of them.  i'm really resolved now to finish this course of stuff, to make sure all this shit is out of me.

i may not be positive all the way through, but i'm resolved,

i got home from the ct scan, and immediately had to stay in the restroom for a-while.  (i know!  ew!  but this is a reminder to me for if/when i need to do this again.)  it's actually a pretty common side effect, and i'm sure it's much worse for someone going through chemo.

this week has been a mess of allergies, stress, and me dealing with things that i shouldn't.  my birthday is the day before the next chemo, and it's within me to want to drink, and over-eat, and stay up all night.... but i know i can't.  there will be days in the future when i celebrate, and really have something to be happy for... i'll store up my party energy for then.....

someone at work is having a go-away party friday... i had promised to bring cheesecake, but i have decided to bring it the night before.  no one needs to see my strange looking self.... even though i miss work like crazy.  (no i don't.  yes i do.  ok, no i don't.  but i do sometimes.)

i'll be glad when i can be me again....instead of this guarded me.

soon.....