nine minutes

i'm working at a busy library, on a sunday.... i can't seem to catch my breath.

i'm in the back, allegedly on break...but everyone is working working working

and all i want to do is slow down.....and not stress so much

friday, the nurse finally called back and said that "no abnormal" is good news, but that the oncologist still wants to see me on thursday.....

he may want to do another test or two

after all, my body overreacted a lot to something

and it could mean something

i want to hear him out, and say "ok....."

but i also want to say "i want to change to another oncologist....."

i don't really know how to do that.

i guess i'll poll the audience.

read up on it

do all the silly things i do when i want to make a decision

inform myself.

encourage myself

steel myself..

i need to eat better.  i need to exercise.  i need to sleep better.

i need to stop stress

i feel so weak, but i know it's because i'm worried....and tired.... and anxious

five more minutes

the people here want to help me help.  i need to learn not to do it all myself

i wish i could tell everyone how messed up i am

(they might already know)

i'm not going into the haunted house to-night.  i'm afraid of the chills, and the horror ....

i'm afraid they'll make me cry.... and who wants that?

i'd rather be chicken than emo

especially on candy day

two more minutes

deep breath..... you can do this....

go help