chemo two: electric boogaloo

my second chemo should have been a horror show.

i had no sleep the night before.  the night before that, i did not feel comfortable in my own bed, so i ended up not sleeping the entire night....only to sleep four hours of the morning away.

i went in drowsy and early at seven a.m. .....but still wired and buzzing from the prednisone.  (my appointment was at 7:45 but the email said that i should allow 30 minutes to ensure being seen on time.  ends up that the automated system was very new, and that i was already allowed 30 minutes.  that's going to help a lot next time.... i won't feel as pressured going down expressway roads.)

(i told everyone i wanted a chemo to myself.  driving there, and driving back.  by myself getting the meds, and everything.  it was partially because the support system i had at the last chemo put stress on me, instead of helping me.  also, i felt extremely self conscious because i had to go out with no hair.  and..... i really needed to do things myself.  once.  to see if i could do it.

i could do it.  and did.)

labs went quickly, which surprised be because i didn't drink a lot of water to make the blood flow that quickly. (lab is where they take three vials of my blood out so they can make sure i'm physically ready for chemo.)

i didn't talk too much to my oncologist, because we had had a nice conversation friday.  i did what i always did... make sure she left with a bit of a smile on her face...but i was sad when she left.  (i was still scared to go into the chemo ward.)

she did say that it was all right for them to use my port (the area is still red, but she said she saw more improvement in the area, and that the pink i saw was actually a healing pink colour.)

by the time i got to the chemo ward, i was.... i don't want to say numb, but i was feeling defeated.  did i not want to do chemo?  no.  i knew it had to be done....but i wouldn't have minded if she said wait a week.

i shouldn't have doubted the strength i had.

the pre-meds did what they did before.... jostled my system... made me want to tense up all the muscles in my legs.... made me sit up very straight and almost brace myself all through it..... then a nurse who was new to me pushed through another drug.... she was telling me that i needed to gargle with baking soda, salt, and water to restore the ph balance in my mouth.  i was so glad that the nausea meds were in me, because now i'm feeling icky just thinking about it....but, if i need to do it, i'll do.

i was finally able to catnap during the procedure.  i still need to get a travel pillow (especially if i've got four more journeys of this).

i wish i knew when the chemo started.  i know i was done at 12:45.  i took the roads slow, and made it home safely.  (something i shouldn't be trying again.  my oncologist said that i would be more tired with each chemo.... i welcome sleep, though.  i really need it at this point.)

so, this chemo was faster, and smoother.  i didn't feel like my heart was being compromised.  afterwards, there were a lot of people helping me complete my sentences, but i was only one word off, and i would have found it, if it weren't for those meddling kids!  :)  my eyes feel bigger, and i feel chock full of drugs, and liquids.  all i can do is drink a lot of water, and wait it out.....

i was glad i kept my humour to-day, and parts of a grace that i didn't have.  i'm hoping and wishing that i have only one more chemo, but you never can tell with cancer.... and i bow to the experts who are helping me fight against it.

and so my watch begins