the eyes have it (omg, these titles are getting so corny)

i don't know if i told you, but my eyes have been going nuts since my fifth chemo.  they were red, and goopy, and i would wake up with my eyelids stuck to-gether.  yeah, a hot mess.

when i told my oncologist about it, she said she wasn't knowledgeable enough about eyes, and that i should see a specialist, but that it would probably take a long time, since specialists had long waiting lists.  (i know of this because i always have to wait on my dermatologist.)

so, i let it go, thinking that i would get better soon.

didn't.

the radiologist, during our visit, thought i was crying when she saw me in the early morning.  no.  that's when my eyes are at their worst.... red, and teary with thick tears that didn't quite feel like water.  she said i should one day go to a specialist.  until then, zyrtec helps.  ok.

finally, i called my oncologist's nurse, who was able to get me in to see a specialist ....two days later!  these ladies have some pull.... i was very grateful....

you know, i love google maps, because they show you exactly where a place is, and how to get there,  unfortunately, if the place is in a building, it doesn't let you know to look for one.  so...  i was ten minutes late to my appointment.  no one seemed to mind, though, which was nice.

i was filling out the new patient form when i was called into the patient room by the nurse.  as she was asking me questions, i was getting her to help me with the form, which was awesome because sometimes new patient questions can be read three different ways.  i was miss happy mouth, cracking jokes, and giggling with her over things.... i haven't been that way in a-while.  it was good to be real with someone again.

the nurse checked my vision.  "read the smallest line" turned out ok for me.... i read the next to the last line, rather than the big ass line at the very top.  she gave me the eye spoon, and she checked each eye.  i sort of passed, i think.  my eyes don't work well by themselves, but they work great in stereo.  i must have dolby vision.

then, i waited for the eye doctor.  for a bit.  enough time passed that i was able to call, and talk to a couple of people.  i must have been a "can you wedge her in somewhere?" patient.  hell, i was glad i was able to be wedged in.

the doctor came in, and looked at my file.  as he looked, he asked me questions.  i could tell he read the file, because he added my words to his while he explained about my condition.  he multi-tasked very well.  thank goodness.

he put some drops in my eye to colour it, so he could look at it closely.  almost immediately, he let me know that what he was thinking was actually happening to me.

dry eye syndrome.

now, how can eyes so teary be dry?  well, there are three types of tears in your eye.  oily, watery, and mucus-y.  the chemo drugs made my system go off-balance, and i wasn't getting the watery tears i needed.  the zyrtec, which helped my poor nose, wasn't doing wonders for my eyes, either.

i needed special over the counter eye drops.  luckily, the eye doctor had abundant samples of the stuff.  i was to do the drops four times a day, even if i didn't feel like i needed them.  i was to aim the drops at the bottom of my eye, and let it wash upwards.

then, i'm supposed to come back in a month to see if things are better.

i was beyond grateful to get the diagnosis.

in fact, when the doctor was looking through the machine into my eyes.... as he was telling me about the dry eyes.... i started to tear up.  i said "thank you.  this really helps."

i cry so easily these days.  to my detriment, sometimes.

as the doctor wrote out the summary of our visit, he said.....

"you're not crazy."

because he knew that cancer patients usually think they are.

because he probably knew that cancer patients almost have to fight for their own lives with doctors.... that they have to become their own advocates just to survive.

because he cared.  and that helped a hell of a lot to hear.

when i went to the billing station, i told the admin something like "he sure did right by me."

"he sure did right by me."  saying it almost country, like my daddy.

grateful for a visit that helped, as well as counseled.

sometimes, the most mundane remarks can go deep into the soul, and help more than anyone knows.

i'm not crazy.

well, not this week, anyway.  

:)