radiation anxiety

i'm at work.  i'm trying not to cry.  writing will help, right?

i finally got a date for my radiation.  they wanted me to come in the tuesday after labor day, but it was at a time that wasn't feasible.  so, instead, i'm going in two weeks from now, on a tuesday, at 7:45 am.

i'm scared, and tired of being a good sport.

i'll be going in with a strong male person, who will more than likely take the radiologist's side, and tell me "well, she's that bad at all!"  and look at me like i'm stupid.

all i can do is rest up, eat as healthy as possible, and drink a lot of water.

this holiday, i wanted to go to this mountain i know of in my area.... walk, and look around high up..... and lean on nature for a-while.  someone is making it slightly difficult to do this.  i may take a couple of smelly boys, and go by myself.

have an adventure.

they won't mind when i have to stop every now and then.  they won't care if i'm discouraged, and weepy.  they'll be happy with water bottles, hostess ding dongs, and happy meals from mcdonalds.

maybe i'll find a little peace.... take a few pictures, and relax.....

it could happen.

i wish i were grown up.