3

sassy wasn't feeling good at all to-day.  her hip was in pain, and she said it was all she could take to get there.  garbo was in a fog from lack of sleep.  the smiling one i always see at the beginning shyly asked if it were my last day to-morrow, and listened to our animated conversations.  it's too bad i won't find out much about her.... she seems nice, and peaceful.

time on the slab was hard to-day, for some reason.  it took longer... or at least felt like it.  as i waited for the scan to begin, i started to tear up.  i tried to talk myself out of it.... i don't know why i was even doing it.  maybe it was the stillness of the place... or the procedure... i don't know.  it's hard trying to cheer yourself up when you're surrounded by metal, and radiation.

the nurse helped me up, and casually remarked that wednesday was my last day.  i said that i thought because i started on tuesday, that i was to finish on tuesday.  she said that the "boost" needed to last five days.  i said i was cool with that. she was glad, because she hated to be the bearer of bad news.

and i am ok with it.  i'm not really ready to give up the active fight, you know?  at least i'm doing something....

but, now that i'm back home, i'm finding myself shake more than i have before, and i'm tearing up again.  nerves?  probably.  i was never meant to be a fighter like this, i guess.