good morning!
went to the donut shop, which ended up being open at 4:30 am! is anyone even alive at 4:30 am? i went to the supermarket for kit kats, snack cakes, fruit bowls, and combs. (suddenly, i need a comb, and so do the boys. desperately.)
i arrived at the waiting room just in time to see smiling shy one, which was great. once i changed, sassy came in, as well. garbo, too. they were happy, and surprised to get kitkats. (i love the slogan gimme a break. all of us surely need one.) we talked about the future, i name dropped my library several times, and sassy, for some reason, wanted to make sure i knew her name, and wanted to know mine. she sees with eyes of feeling, so she knows y road is heavy. i wish i could talk to her daily.... she has so much wisdom.
garbo tried to talk about support groups, but sassy said all she needed was family. garbo said her husband was kind, but he just didn't understand. we all nodded, and i was soon called in the room.
after the plank, the technician said that he hoped to see me again, but under better conditions. he is a very amiable fellow, and i must find a way to tell his cousin (someone i work with in the library system) how good he is.
then came the visit with lex luthor.
it was a very quick, very light, very non-evasive, very rudimentary exam..... he didn't even say anything about the breakout on the back of my shoulder... or comment when i said my shoulder was sore... or anything.
he said that they would schedule a follow up with the other doctor, and he was almost on his way out the door when i asked about the pet scan.
he said that i would not be getting one of those for another three to six months.
3 to 6 months.
so.... nothing.
he whooshed on out the door, and i went back to change. garbo was still there, so i sat next to her, and told her about my news.
gasp, she said.
the lady near us (i had only glimpsed at her because she usually came in after i was done with my sessions) said "well, that's when we have to take it by faith, right?"
garbo nodded, uncertainly. i sighed a little. inside, i was giving her the raspberry.
shit.
well, in another week i see the oncologist. then, a week after that, the radiologist. so, at least i'll be watched over. and, somewhere down the line, the radiologist will schedule the pet scan. then i will know.
funny... i don't want to take off these stickers. there are two under each arm, and one on my breast.... x marks the spot. if i remove them, will the cancer come back?
don't be silly, jamison. let go of your skepicism, and go by faith.
to-day, i will wear as much black as possible, and not talk much. hopefully a long nap will bring back the sunshine to me.
oh.... one more thing. i drove home.... the same way i drove when i had the wreck yesterday. i went a little slower, and conquered the road again.
i wish i could conquer the fear and uneasiness i feel at this time, now that i'm in a waiting period.
and so my watch begins
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