i originally had an appointment on wednesday. at the beginning of the week, i was asked if i could work a shift for my boss. i called, and after much finagling (it always seems like they only have one person doing appointments at a time) i was able to change the appointment to thursday.
i went in at 11:30 am, and got my blood drawn soon after. (when you no longer have a port, you don't have as much of a line to go through.) it hurt a bit more than usual, but i filled three vials pretty quickly, so there were no worries there.
then i waited in the waiting room. well, actually, i paced, because i couldn't get comfortable in a sitting position. (the radiated area under my arm was raw, and it made it hard to sit down, with my arm down on the affected area) i walked, looking out the windows at the perfect day. i watched two kids (who didn't have cancer) as they hid from each other, scooting back and forth on the carpet. (it was the last day of fall break) for a-while, i took pictures of the hallway nearby.... here's one sooc:
a nurse went down the hall, towards me. i lowered my cell phone, and let her walk past.
"sorry! didn't mean to mess up your pictures."
"no worries. just.... catching the sunlight, and the angles and ...all."
she looked where i was pointing, and really seemed like she was listening to me.
"and the sun...makes all these great slanted shapes, and all.... you have a very pretty building."
she nodded her head.
"wow.... thank you. no, really. thank you for sharing that with me.
(nurse walks off, to continue her day, while a fabian looking girl shuffles her feet, in an "aw shucks" way....)
and that's how i am when i'm trying a new hobby that i'm no sure of....
after a long wait, i was motioned down another hall, to be weighed, and seen by the nurse. i had lost another pound. i didn't have a fever. the nurse was very complimentary, and told me i looked much better than when she last saw me.
(everyone there is happy, and attentive. they want to be there, and they don't seem burned out by so many responsibilities. no wonder i felt so spoiled by them, in comparison to the hospital, with old rooms, no sun, and doctors who didn't have the best of attitudes.)
i sat, and waited for my oncologist. i washed my hands twice, used the nice smelling hand sanitizer, ran across the hall to use the restroom, and did the whole routine again.
finally, my oncologist came in.... two hours after the time i came in. and... i didn't care, because there was that much love there.
yeah, i know. sappy me :)
so, my blood levels were good. she said that, on the screen, the platelet levels were flagged red, but that she didn't know why, because they were within normal levels. (i think the machine was just saying that my levels were going down ever since she first saw me, because of chemo, and radiation. don't think i didn't still worry about that red mark, though. more fruits and vegetables for me.)
i told her about my raw spots, and showed her. she knew of a cream to try, and encouraged me to move from eucerin to aquaphor. i asked her about the pet scan, and told her that lex luthor hadn't told me why i had to wait three months or more to have one. she knew immediately which doctor i was talking about, and giggled an answer to me.
pet scans show where there is abnormalities in the body. it would be hard to tell where the cancer started, and the radiated area ended if i took a test now. because of that, it would be better to wait until things died down inside of me.
she checked my liver, my kidneys, and my ankles..... then as i rose up, told me that now we would be spreading visits out.... to be less and less frequent...because of how much progress was made....
and that's when i started tearing up.
noticing immediately, she asked what was wrong.
we talked about....the fact that you do all you can do, until all that's left to be done... is wait. but she reassured me again that i wouldn't be waiting for nothing. my cancer was only in one area... and it reacted well to treatment. i was going to be ok.
and she hugged me, and said that she had been thinking of me.
and i believed her, because she was the type of doctor who cared..... and i could tell she didn't lie.
it's ok to be real with your patients. it's ok to reassure. if you do this, it doesn't make you weaker in the eyes of your patients....
you're stronger... because they know you care. and they trust you all the more for it.
anyway....
so, i was told to come back in november. they tried to give me a flu shot, but my insurance wouldn't let them.
later on, when i picked up my prescription from walgreens, i took a chance, and asked them if they could give me a flu shot. they could. at 9:30pm! for free!
"do you have any underlining conditions or diseases?"
"just lymphoma. but my oncologist sent me here."
"oh, then that's all good, then. oh, except for the lymphoma part."
i nodded, and smiled. it was good to have someone jovial continue to be jovial, even when cancer entered in the conversation.
it was good to not be the only one in the room who was cancer's clown
the flu shot made me lay low for a day and a half, and i'm still not 100%. i don't know if it's because of the cancer, or the shot (i have heard of others who don't feel well after this year's shot, either). plus, i haven't been writing as much as i should.
i'll have to see about doing more.... hopefully while i wait for people at rehearsals..... i always seemed like an untapped tree when i don't write... way too full of sap.
...hoping to be "well" soon...
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