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had a bit of a rough night last night.  back and forth to the bathroom.... but not any hard pain.  just dull throbbing pain.  i'll get over it, soon.

my radiologist called just now.

she said that there was no lymphoma in me.  they took out a fair chunk under my arm, where i was affected... and that it must have been an infection that lit up the screen.

i didn't get any other plans.  no "see us in a few weeks."  no "we'll keep testing."  nothing.  that's implied.

i want tests.  i want to make sure the plague is gone.

i want to believe her.

but i don't.

i have to think about this... to own my  own cure.... to look up and see hope right there staring at me....

...telling me that i'm ok.

about this time last year, i was just starting the battle... scared, and alone.  buckets of tears, and wailing.

and now....

i hope.