heart scan

to-day was the echo scan for my heart.

this was easier.

i went in, and got the paperwork done. (they didn't call me ahead of time.) then they gave me a bracelet, and sent me upstairs with a file in my hand.

i got out of the elevator, and was immediately in a waiting room. ta da! i sat, and waited for my mispronounced last name. (no worries. i'm used to it.)

i went in, and a nice nurse asked me to disrobe from the waist up, and put on a backwards hospital gown. i was just barely covered when she knocked, and came in. (must have been behind schedule a bit.)

she told me to lie on my back on the examination table. i don't know why it took me a minute to comply.... i almost started to lie on my belly. she was gracious, and said that many people did that. strange.

she took my blood pressure. she asked if it was often low. (she got a reading of 100/something.) i said i remembered the pressure as being 109 before. she said it was a good blood pressure... but she acted surprised that i had it. )

i lied down, and she put three metal sensors on the top of my chest. she asked why i was here to-day. i told her about being diagnosed with mcl. involuntarily, she said "so young" .... and i let that remark pass. not much you can say to that. (some time later, she said that i seemed to be a very strong lady, and that i would do fine. it was very kind of her.)

she put gel on my chest....then she took the ultrasound wand, and moved it around in between my breasts. she told me to lie on my side, and dug into my left breast...upper, then lower. then, she had me lie on my back, and pointed the wand upwards, toward the bottom of my heart.

all angles. all the time.

she also was recording audio clips of my heartbeat .... at one point it sounded like an old washing machine. at another time, it reminded me of one of the babies' ultrasounds. i wanted to listen to it forever...just for the feeling of calmness it gave me.

she asked me to hold my breath at several points during the screening. it was to push back my lungs, and bring the heart into the forefront. sometimes, it was to get a better sound of the heartbeat. i told her at one point that i could hold my breath longer, if she needed it. ("i can hold my breath for a long, long time>" shut up, leslie nielsen.) she didn't need it, but she giggled a bit.

at the end, i asked her how my heart looked.... and she said that was for the cardiologist to find out. she did say that if there was something massively wrong, that i would not be allowed to go home....but i was allowed to go home. "go get a cheeseburger." i joked. she laughed. "yeah. knock yourself out."

i rose from the examination table. she tried to help, but saw i could do it myself. i am a good sized girl, no question, but i am flexible. i can run across the library at a moment's notice. i may be getting more tired now than usual, and i may be sleeping a bit deeper than i have been before...but i can do things myself.

i'm not sick on the outside, ok? it's just my insides that are going to war with each other.....

my heart looked good. and it was beating strong, right as rain. a poet's heart can take many things.... and turn it into good.

i hope my poet skills stay with me throughout this journey into hell....