interlude: to the one who counts

you held my hands that night. held them hard, and firm. i tried to move them, but couldn't. i didn't quite know what was going on.

i asked you.

you said you were trying to get me to be strong. i could feel you trying to strengthen me with your strength. will me into a sense of power that i didn't feel like i needed yet. i complied, as i always did. you always know best, as you know me more than anyone has before.

i'm scared.

i'm scared i'm going to die. not only is this cancer rare, but the blastic tumour inside of me is rarer even than that. the chemo has got to work... if not, i fear there isn't any alternative. radiation. stem cells. clinical trials.

but the chemo matters an awful lot.

i'll try to be strong. for the kids, and the sadness i'm putting them through. for my work, that i want desperately to go back to.

and for you.

i'm trying. i'm really trying to grow up, and yet keep that child in me that we both love. i know you'll help me. i know you'll be as near as you can be.

but i know it all comes down to me.....

i'll be strong