pet scan

so, i woke up this morning... and you were on my mind.

(sorry... private song joke.)

anyway... i got ready pretty quickly, then i dawdled, which i've been doing a lot lately. it's like i know i should be there on time, but it's just a mile away.... or "they can't start without me"... sometimes i think it's defiance....but it may be more to do with having control of the situation.

...while i can still be in control.

(actually it was a bad mistake, because enigma and i got into a one sided argument over how much sugar i eat. i say not much at all... his silence, and glare said differently. i need to learn not to talk to him unless totally necessary. my heart was low on the way out, and i can't have that before a procedure like this.)

i got there, and after a small talk to the insurance person, i received a wrist id bracelet, and waited in the waiting room. (i have had to have a bracelet for the mammogram/ultrasound, the ultrasound/biopsy, the bone marrow biopsy, and now this. i suppose it's to make sure i'm identified, just in case i go unconscious during the procedure. it's a bit jarring having one on, though. it makes the whole thing that much more serious.)

the nurse/technician led me to the back, and started an iv. she checked my glucose level. it was 92, which was right in between that 60-200 range that was needed. she then took out this small needle syringe full of the sugary radiation stuff, and injected it in. it wasn't very much at all. she then pushed the liquid through with a saline syringe. (can you tell i didn't go to med school?) then she said she'd be back in 45 minutes. she turned off the lights, and i had a bit of a nap.

(next time, i'll tell them i want to lie down.... i'm sort of sore from my stubborn "i'm staying upright" attitude.)

then, i was lead to this thin table, with a rest for my head. since i didn't have underwire on my bra, i could keep it on, but the earrings had to come off. (i was being scanned from my head to my knees.) once i was in position, she told me to put my hands over my head. now that was hard. there was this thing around my head, to keep it in position, and i had to put my arms over it... and i couldn't get comfortable. i hope the image isn't blurry....because at one point my right elbow was too far, and it hit the side of the tunnel...

it's always my right side. sigh....

i stayed still. i was promised that it would take 30 minutes. she said it would do a practice run through my body, then start and stop many times. also, even when it felt like it wasn't doing anything... it was doing something.

so, i stayed still .... and the procedure started.

i thought i would be slick, and watch to see how close the tunnel was around me. big mistake. i shut my eyes, trying hard not to think of all the "buried alive" stories i read, or saw on "amazing stories." this is what i thought of:

"carry that weight" by the beatles (every nuance of it ... down to every drumbeat... it's great when you hear a song over and over enough to know it that well...thank you, mr. starkey.)

the beach, and the last time i was there. what i should have done. how far i should have swam.

conversations at philip seymour hoffman's funeral. (i had just seen the amy adams interview, where she awkwardly cried in front of jim lipton when he asked her about "doubt.")

what i would do if i won the lottery. (there are so many people i'd give money to.... after paying off the house, and getting a used car.... and making sure the kids were financially able to do what they wished.)

what i was going to eat at the chinese place (there better be broccoli. the last time, there wasn't hardly any vegetables, and i ended loading up on....)

"ok, we're done!"

blink, blink! uh... sure... ok.

i was offered some orange juice, and peanut butter crackers. (juice, yes. crackers, no.) then, i was allowed to go.

now, i'm hoping to get a little nap before work. all i have to do for the rest of the day is look normal, and drink a lot of water. surely i can do that in four intense, busy hours. right?