24

i have three clear stickers on me, protecting three x marks on my body.  one on either side of me, and one on my right breast.  to-day, they took a longer time centerizing me.  they also moved the table slightly away from the camera.  no bumps this time.... 

i'm to see the doctors every wednesday.  this time, it was with the radiologist's assistant doctor.  he looked like a cross between john malkovich, and lex luthor.  i asked him if it were possible to feel the radiation on the first day.  he went into this long story where he thought he could sense a radiation beam on him, and even felt the hairs on his arm stand on end.  it ended up that the machine wasn't even on, and it was all in my mind.

i would have rather have him say that the reason my arm was sore was because of the position they put me in to get the radiation.  (it's hard to lie down, and have your arms over your head for a long period of time.)  that the fatigue, and pressure of waking up in the morning could make one very sensitive.  

but, then again, i'm a people person.  i expect too much.

i lost nine pounds since the last time i was weighed in. (five weeks ago)  i won't concentrate on that.  the more i think of numbers, the more i'll think "i'm losing weight, so it's ok for me to have this massive banana fudge sundae."  

my biggest fear is either oversleeping, or forgetting where i'm supposed to be.  i'm not really good at habits... the only thing i do daily is work.  maybe this will help me get more organized.... more ready to face the day in the morning.  who knows, it may be good for me.