8

busy day.

i went to radiation a bit disoriented.  i had just had a sit-down with someone, and was still massively tense.  luckily cheerful woman, cautious new wig lady, and machinist were there.  i went in, and kept it light hearted .... consequently it ended very quickly.

then, after school and a nap, it was time to see the eye doctor.

they dilated my eyes, and gave me a vision test.  i got the most thorough exam that i've ever had.  i asked about my father's cataracts, and was told that cataracts in your sixties was to be expected.  what i need to watch our for is retina tears.  if i have too many floaters in the eyes, a sudden drop in vision, or what looks like a curtain over me, then i was to get to the eye doctor immediately.

he also said my dry eyes were worse.  in fact, he winced as he looked at them.

i'm to try eye ointment, as well as the drops they gave me.

seriously, i'm too tired to try anymore.  i don't want to get better.  i know that part of it is because it's taking so long to get well.  also, it's extremely rough at home.  i'm trying to keep some want to live....but i'm not feeling it right now.

writing this helps.  if i could cry for an hour, that would help.  (if i had the energy, i would.)

eye doctor wants to see me in three months.  oncologist wants to see me in three weeks.  radiologist wants to see me every monday through friday.

i don't want to see anything anymore